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The last few weeks I have been having lingering feelings of sadness. Not necessarily depressed but sad. I know depression. I have been there before. In fact, I have been suicidal a few times in my life. It is not that far. Just a general sense of sadness. Yesterday I never got dressed or showered. You know those days...I know some of you know exactly what I am talking about.
This morning I made myself get up early so that I could do a quick work out and shower before the kids got up. I had an IEP meeting for one of my little ones. Sometimes having something on your schedule can be a great motivator to get moving. And usually, once I get moving, I start to feel a little better.
My life has seen tremendous changes in the last year. Well, that may be an UNDERSTATEMENT! In the last year, we got married, went on a honeymoon, had my bonus kids move in full-time, and last but certainly not least, we are now raising a great-niece and nephew that we are adopting in October. We now have 6 kids under one roof. Four are teenage boys and the other two are 5 and 7 years old.
I don't thing anyone could EVER prepare you for foster care and caring for children from hard places. These babies have been through hell and back and the hands of people that should have cared for them and kept them safe the most. Also, what no one tells you is that there are case managers, social workers, attorney's, attorney's social workers, agencies, agency case managers, therapy, doctor visits, parent visits, grandparent visits, sibling visits, court dates, foster care review boards, parenting classes and more. Please do not take this as a complaint. I just want you to be aware of what we are dealing with. Those of you that are foster parents get it. Those of you who are not will try to get it. But, no one will actually understand until directly living with the stress of this all.
"Those of you that are foster parents get it. Those of you who are not will try to get it. But, no one will actually understand until directly living with the stress of this all."
I am recognizing that a few thigs have triggered this feeling of sadness. First, I stopped doing the work I loved to be sure that these babies and our kids get what they need. Second, I am taking a class at a local church called "Mending the Soul". This a Christian-based model for healing from trauma. I thought I had processed and learned what I needed from sexual abuse and domestic violence in my life. I guess God has more growing for me to do. Having a young girl come into my home has shined a gigantic mirror on all of my ugly, nasty, unhealed trauma in my life. Third, the kids are back in school so those longings for personal progress, growth and work that brings meaning to my life, is calling me. All of this has me feeling melancholy.
I want to share a few things that help me when I feel this way. Most of them are self-explanatory. I will focus in on one that helps me the most when I am feeling sad, depressed, angry, resentful, overwhelmed and anxious.
What helps me when I feel this way?
2. Scheduling in a workout even if it means getting up an hour or 30 minutes earlier
3. Pay attention and improve my nutritional intake
4. Diffuse doTERRA essential oils as well apply them to my wrists and feet
Meditation has worked wonders in my life. Most people think of meditation as sitting and trying to make your mind go blank. I, personally, have had no luck with that approach. Instead, I have found that guided meditation is a great way to start and/or keep a meditation practice going. See link below.
Letting Go Meditation Click Here (guided medication starts at 13 mins)
If you find you enjoy the meditations, I suggest you check out one of my Amazon Best-Selling Books 111 Morning Meditations to create your day with intention. This book was a compilation of contibutors from across the globe and in colaboration with Sunny Dawn Johnston.